The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
