Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
