i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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