We should be called the Road Head Warriors
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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