I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
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