I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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