they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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