She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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