In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
