Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
