As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
