the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
