It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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