I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
