Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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