Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
