Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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