Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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