i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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