Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
