Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
