I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
