Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
