This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
