Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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