Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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