you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
