does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize