ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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