We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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