we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
