he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
