No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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