we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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