When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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