i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
