She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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