ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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