Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
