it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
