I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
