I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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