and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
