i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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