remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
