Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Where are you guys?
Drunk
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
