I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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