I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
