I can't watch pbs sober anymore
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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