you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
