I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
