Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
