I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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