Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
